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How do i change this?

Dec. 31st, 2004 01:35 am NYE baby!

I can't WAIT for New Years Eve.

I'm going to my friend Lauren's house, where there's going to be a bunch of people, and I'm going to bring a bottle of Tequila.

Ohhhh yeah baby.

I love parties. I haven't been to a big kick-ass, throw-down, drink-till-you-fall-over, kick-the-door-in PARTY in... well... a long fucking time.

I'm excited beyond words, which basically means if it sucks, I'm going to be 15 kinds of pissed.

I'm going into it with a positive outlook though (as is evident by the bottle of tequila). I'm such a geek, I don't even know how much Tequila costs. I know the price of vodka, and that's about it.

Weird.

Anywho, maybe when i stumble home Saturdayyy.... whenever i wake up... I'll post something on here telling everyone how i swear off drinking FOREVERRRRR.

Until next time.

Toodles!

Current Mood: Badass
Current Music: Prodigy - Girls

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Dec. 16th, 2004 11:08 pm Looking for a girl that's not looking

After the traumatizing breakup I had a month ago, and after a lot of thinking (see: grades slipping. for fucks sake.) i think i'm narrowing down the girl I'm looking for.

The initial attraction has to be there, of course. That's always been far more about personality than looks for me. Looks are important. If you have 3 eyes, I'm probably not interested. But if a girl just looks "okay", but has a stellar personality, I'm game. On the other side of the coin, if a girl looks like a supermodel, but has a personality like a brick wall, she's gone before she started.

So anyways, provided that there is a mutual attraction present (mutual would be nice, thank you), here is my new goal:

I'm looking for a girl who wouldn't mind NOT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHILE WE'RE STILL DATING. You know? We're dating, so you're not looking for someone better? I would LOVE to be done looking. Does that scare people? I don't know. I'd be happy to be dating someone and not be looking for an upgrade.

That's all I'm saying.

Allow me to sound gay for a second:

I was watching Peter Pan the other night (the new 2003 version). If you haven't seen this movie, GO RENT IT. Anyways, there's a moment where someone gets a kiss from a girl, and (due to being in Neverland and all) he gets this huge ear-to-ear grin on his face, starts glowing, and floats up into the air, spinning and laughing.

I miss that. I miss that "magical kiss"

Girls beware: if you kiss me, and i get that feeling, I hope you don't mind me falling HARD for you.

Don't worry. Girls dont like me anyways. *pout*

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: Loveline!

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Dec. 14th, 2004 11:50 am No more working on other people's computers for me!

I shouldn't be writing this. I have 15 levels of shit to do today, and writing here is the last thing i should be doing.

I broke my dad's computer. You see, most computers have 2 fans in them. One cools the CPU, thats the big one. The other one cools the chipset, which is a smaller fan (on older machines theres no fan). The chipset is sorta the expressway between the CPU and the rest of the computer.

Anyways, I was supposed to pull the chipset fan off and put a new one in its place. Simple procedure, taking maybe 5 minutes, right?

Yeah. Right.

So now my dad's computer is in pieces on my desk and he's wondering what the FUCK is going on. I can't blame him. I plugged the old fan back in, because the new one was the wrong size, so everything was exactly how i left it... but now the computer won't even start. It just flashes the power light and beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep..... beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.... beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.


Sigh.

I get to explain to my dad tonight what happened and what I did, and finish it up with telling him that i have no damn idea what's broken or how to fix it. Should be a fantastically fun conversation, and I'm looking forward to it.

Also, I have a final in an hour.

Also, directly after that I have to go to work, and probably rot there until around 9pm or so, despite the fact that we close at 7pm. Thank you Christmas, I love you.

I feel really bad about my dad's computer though. It seems like it breaks every single year, right around christmas. This year its completely my fault. Completely.

----
I'm still debating whether or not to go to Amy's christmas party. Normally, I wouldn't go within 100 feet of her house. But on the flip side of the coin, this is sort of our friends' christmas party. We're not really all going to get together again for it... so I feel like i should go. But I don't want to buy Amy a gift (why the flying FUCK should I do that?!), but she's going to buy ME one, and then everyone's going to be looking at me like "why didn't he get her a gift?! what an asshole!"

Under normal conditions, this would be the moment where I explained to the entire group why, precisely, I didn't get Amy a gift. And be very graphic about it. But then that would bring alllll sorts of drama to the party, that I just wouldn't want to be a part of.

I hate the whole situation. Having to be civil because I work with her. Having to pretend to like her. Having to save face in front of friends. Having to be the stupid bitch. I hate it and I can't WAIT until she leaves for LA.

Go back to your 28 year old fuck buddy who's OBVIOUSLY better than me at... well... whatever.


Sorry. I'm done talking about her for now. I promise.

Time to hit the showers. Finals in 45 min.

Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: U2 - Numb

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Dec. 8th, 2004 12:17 am Weird feelings

It's been an interesting week so far, as far as strange feelings go.

First it was Sunday. I gave blood under the following conditions:
1) drank a lot the night before
2) got 4 hours of sleep
3) didn't have breakfast

Now these, admittedly, don't sound like the ideal conditions under which to lose a pint of blood. But unfortunately i was coherced into it by my mother, who has dastardly methods of getting me to do things (see: guilt trip).

So I gave blood. I'm laying there, she's already got the needle out, and put the big bandaid in its place and all that.

I turn to the nice lady and say thus: "I feel like I'm going to throw up."

So she sends someone running for a big box fan, which they set up about 3 inches behind my head, and turn on full blast. Great. Now i feel sick to my stomach AND i'm freezing. Beautiful.

After a couple minutes the nasuea wears off, which, you know, is great. Fan's still going. Then the weirdness kicks in.

You ever fall asleep on your leg wrong, and when you wake up, your leg feels dead? Like, you could beat it against a rock and you wouldn't feel a thing? You know how strongly it tingles when its "coming back"? Yeah... all four limbs were doing that.

I couldn't move half my fingers. Wild. I wasn't really scared or anything, but definately intrigued. heh.

Today was a dentist appointment. I hate going to the dentist almost as much as i hate cold weather, which is slightly less than i hate Hitler.

Turns out I have to get all four wisdom teeth taken out. Let me be the first to say how excited i am about this wonderful opportunity to go under the knife. Go oral surgery, woo! I'd also like to add that anything with the word "oral" in it gets the vote from me! WINK!

Anyways, the dentist was really hot, and couldnt have been that much older than me. Good freaking times. I think i'm going to make more frequent visits for "cleanings." Although i will mention that it's awfully hard to flirt with someone who has one hand in your mouth and is staring into it. Kinda takes the charm out of it. The mouth isn't the most attractive place to stick your face, you know? I'm sure she was thinking "my kids will have THESE teeth?!"

Then i went into work where i received a call from a bright young lady, who wanted to know our phone number.


Think about that for a second.


Yeah. That's the look i had on my face.

Current Mood: chipperchatting with a great person!
Current Music: Secret Agent on SomaFM (internet radio. wise up.)

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Dec. 6th, 2004 01:15 am What a Freakend!

Yes that's right. I just made up a word. DAMN i rule.

Anyhow, before I get to why I almost passed out today, let's rewind to Wednesday. Yeah, I know that's not part of the weekend. What's your point?

So I was bored Wednesday night. Bored + Internet = weird things happening. So I'm browsing around this singles site. You know the kind. Put all your info online, other people do the same, girls fall in love with your paragraph, you fall in love with theirs, and soon you have little run-on sentences running around.

Anywho, I wasn't really intending to sign up for this thing. It was more like "let's see what kind of people are on here and how desparate they sound"

So I'm bouncing around the site, and I come across this lovely profile. To highlight the best parts:

------------------------------
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Weight: 231-240 lbs
Education Level: Advanced degree
Occupation: Dancer
Annual Income: $175,001 - $200,000
Language(s): Afrikaans, Chinese, Mandarin, English, French, German, Hindi, Malay, Portuguese, Spanish
Physical Build: Slender
Alcohol: Drink Hourly
Politics: Conservative
What are some of the qualities you look for in someone you are dating?: sex
What things turn you off about someone?: no sex
Tell others more about yourself: i like sex
------------------------------

Now, to break this down for a second...
First of all, 231-240 lbs does NOT mean Slender.
Secondly, 19 years old, knows all those languages, has an advanced degree, makes that much money, and is a DANCER?
Thirdly, does anyone think she likes sex?

Now, my first thought was "oh i gotta see what this chick looks like", but to see pictures you need to sign up. *sigh* FINE.

So i sign up, i fill out the stupid profile, and i head back over to her page. No picture available. *sigh again* of COURSE not.

This would be the end of the story, except now i get emails almost daily from these usually scathingly hot girls that rate my appearance an 8 or 9. Out of 9. Now, I'm not one for modesty much, but I might GENEROUSLY call myself average looking. Anyhow, now i get all these wonderful messages from these wonderful girls in the area, all wanting to meet me, but they want ME to sign up for the paid membership so i can access their contact info. Of course.

So I just get my little flattery in my inbox and move on with life.

I'll post about the passing out thing tomorrow. Sorry to ruin your expectations.

Current Mood: calmchilled
Current Music: Groove Armada - Back To Mine

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Dec. 4th, 2004 11:32 pm Remind me not to do this again

Fall in love I mean.

Bear with me. I'm drunk (yay for vodka?) and depressed, which is actually a rare combination for me. Usually being drunk comes with lots and lots of laughs.

Not this time. Here I am, 11:30pm, sitting home alone, drunk, thinking about... anyone want to take a guess?

Oh yes. Amy.

Every time my mind sits still for a second, I get horrible images of her cheating on me, like I was actually there when it happened. I didn't need to be. I know EVERYTHING about that girl. I know how the entire night went, and she doesn't even have to tell me.

I understand everyone has to go through bad times at least once as they grow up. It's part of life, and it makes you appreciate the good times more. I DO understand that. But still. This sucks and I'm pissed.

I mean, I gave this girl EVERYTHING. All my time, all of what little money I had, all the love i could muster. I was going to MARRY her. And I thought she felt the same way about me. Apparently she had other plans.

I also understand that there are upsides to this. I can now do what i want, go where i want to go (moving-wise i mean), and do whatever I want to do with my life, and not have to work around someone else.

I dont fucking care. At this moment, right now, I'd rather be back in love. I'd rather have someone hold me. I'd rather have someone kiss me with that kiss that felt PERFECT. I'd rather know that I can just pick up a phone and someone will answer that is in LOVE with me. I'd rather be perfect again.

I'm not perfect anymore. I'm broken, cut in half, and kicked to the ground. God this is starting to sound emo, but fucked if i care. This girl fucked me over. BAD.

So needless to say, it's going to be a LONG time before I let someone get that close to me again. I'm not putting myself up for that type of risk. I know EXACTLY how my brother feels now.

I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. I mean... ideally, i feel like curling up into a pair of loving arms and not having a care in the world... but as of 3 weeks ago, that's not really an option.

I could go on a rant about how poorly i think of the female half of the species, but 100% of the regular readers of my babbling nonsense are female, so i'll let that go.

Tell me I'm better off now. I agree with you. But I feel much worse. Much worse.

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box

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Dec. 2nd, 2004 08:32 pm Having the upper hand is the best feeling on earth

Before I get to the main subject of this post (as made apparent by the title), I have to get something out of my system.

If you're at a red light. Have I lost you yet? And there isn't a "No Turn on Red" sign. And you can see that there are no cars coming. And you're turning right...

FEEL FREE TO GO AHEAD AND TURN! AAARRGH!! I don't know what parallel universe these retards live in, but in MY universe, I'm going to WORK and it would be NICE if you could get the HELL out of my WAY! I just want to know what's going through thier minds! "oh no... the light is red... but i'm technically not blowing the light... but i'm turning... but there's no cars coming... hey maybe if i inch forward it will convince time and space to pause, so i can turn right without fear of being sideswiped by the large invisible vehicles flying by... then again maybe by inching forward, i'm actually conveying the idea to the FIVE THOUSAND CARS BEHIND ME WAITING TO TURN that i might have the BALLS required to turn right onto an EMPTY STREET... hey who's this guy coming up to my window with a baseball bat?"

That, and i think old people shouldn't drive.

So moving on, those of you familiar with the whole Amy situation (in other words, probably everyone that reads this) should find this interesting. I was at work today joking around with Lori about signing up for one of those online dating services. Remind me to tell you THAT story. Anyways, Lori got a really funny look on her face and said "Amy would FREAK. OUT. if you started seeing someone else."

Me: "What do you mean? Did she say something?"

Lori: "Noo..." (long pause, looks like she's hiding something)

Lori: "I just think she would not be happy with that situation at all"

Me: "Despite the fact that SHE managed to hook up with someone... while we were still dating."

Lori: "Yep. She wouldn't like it."

Me: "Hmm."

So there you have it. Apparently Amy doesn't want me seeing anyone else, at least not till she's gone, for fear of having to deal with the reality of me *being* with someone else... which i find highly HIGHLY interesting.

Food for thought, and it put a nice big evil grin on my face.

Sha-zam!

Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: Cornershop - When The Light Appears Boy

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Dec. 1st, 2004 12:36 pm Holy crap it's December already?!

So this is my first entry and all that. I was staring at the date thinking "it doesn't default to today's date?! How gay is that?!"

Well... i guess time got away from me, eh? Anywho, there's not a lot to write about today, seeing as its only noon-ish and nothing's really... you know... HAPPENED yet.

I guess that means it's time for a music rant. I'm good at those.

I hate Britney Spears. Let's be perfectly clear here. If she was an unknown vocalist doing the track "Toxic" with, say, the Basement Jaxx, I'd have no problem with her. I don't hate her style of music, I don't hate her (lack of) singing ability, I don't hate her sluttiness. Those are irrelevant.

What I hate about Britney Spears is the lack of authenticity. She really believes in what she's doing, in the sense that she seems to love making bazillions of dollars for dancing and getting to wear very HOT outfits. The thing she DOESN'T seem to love is... the music. She's stuck in a world where all that matters is image, and as long as the music is lifeless enough not to detract from that image, she'll sell more albums.

This is NOT the people that should be leading the music industry. I would prefer to have people leading the industry that would still be leading the industry if music videos didn't exist. This is why i find myself drawn to classic rock, and to dance music, and to weird eclectic strange music (see: recent Radiohead). These genres don't (or didn't) have access to music videos where they can *ahem* pimp their rides. These genres are about the MUSIC. There is no image behind them.

If the music and the music ALONE doesn't sell the new dance record, it won't sell 2 copies.

Anywho, I'm babbling at this point, so i'll snip it.

/me bums around the site trying to figure it all out.

Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out (Daft Punk Remix)

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